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Holiday Shopping Fun

Do all you other shopping first, then before you leave (with many bags in hand), visit the glassware stores, swinging your bags haphazardly around. Don’t hit anything, but just enjoy the faces of the employees around you.

For the men: After you haven’t shaved for a couple of days, spend about half-an-hour browsing in the local cutlery store, staring intently (this works better if you own a postal uniform).

Drive around the parking lot at night with your lights off. Then when you come to some shoppers leaving after a long and tiresome night of shopping, quickly turn your lights on and watch the merryment.

Have you stubbed your toe recently? Gotten a paper cut? Then you’re disabled! Grap a wheelchair and get shopping! The mall is never too congested.

Have you forgotten your ATM PIN? Then now’s a perfect time to get money from the ATMs in the mall. Just because you have to try every number combination you can think of, it doesn’t give the people behind you the right to get impatient.

Simple advice: You’re never too old to sit on Santa’s lap (and if they say you are then just have a hissy-fit like everyone else).

If it looks like a type of clothing is about to be sold out... buy the last of it! It doesn’t matter if it won’t fit anyone on your gift list, they can always return it later.

Just because you’ve spent two hours with a salesperson going over every detail about a product doesn’t mean you have to buy it. The salespeople are more than happy to serve.

“You break it, you buy it” doesn’t apply if they didn’t see you (and it especially doesn’t apply in electronics stores).

Have visiting guests that you have to entertain? Well what’s better than dropping them off at the mall during peak hours. They’ll thank you for showing them first-hand the festive color of your local community.

When eating at the mall’s food court, your bags should never have to touch the ground. Always place them in the seats of the table you’re sitting at—even if they use up 10 chairs.

Many gift wrapping areas in the mall are run by local high schools. These provide chances for the students to learn about job situations while providing you with your packages nicely wrapped. Help add to their learning experience by only having them wrap your odd-shaped gifts. Items such as gift baskets or stuffed animals are best.

The people who put up those “No Smoking” signs are insane. Light’em up.

Many people find that shopping with children is a troublesome experience. However, the easy thing to do is to leave them at the toy store, they’ll find lots of things to do. And if this doesn’t work, the lost children’s booth with watch them till you’re done with your shopping.

Ask the salesperson for an item that they do not carry in their store (yet is sold in the store across the way). After the salesperson’s explained to you for the fourth time that they don’t carry that item, leave, and send in your friends, on by one, to perform the same ritual you just did. Repeat as often as is joyful.
- suggested by Joe Savino

When you just can’t decide on purchasing an item, ask your shoulder. Then disagree with his/her opinion.
- suggested by Dave

Hint: Your shopping doesn’t have to end just because the mall closes.

Another Hint: If you have kleptomaniacs in the family, let them do all your shopping, they always find the best discounts.

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