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Southern Slang

Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” is a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

ARE - pronoun.
Possessive case of “we” used as a predicate adjective.
BAHS - noun.
A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
BARD - verb.
Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
BEER - Noun.
All meals of the day
Usage: “I’m hungry, lets go eat... I think we are having beer.”
BOB WAR - noun.
A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
DID - adjective.
Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
EAR - noun.
A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in Los Angeles).
Usage: “He cain’t breathe... give ’im some ear!”
FAR - noun.
A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the oll in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
FARN - adjective.
Not local.
Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country.”
GUMMIT - Noun.
A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Them gummit boys shore are ignert.”
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah... haze ignert.”
HEIDI - noun.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.
Remainder of greeting.
Usage: “Heidi. Hire yew.”
JAWJUH - noun.
A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
MUNTS - noun.
A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”
RATS - noun.
Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”
RETARD - Verb.
To stop working.
Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”
SEED - verb, past tense.
Usage: “Billy Joe aint cummin to the perty... we seed him yesterdee at the bawrbawr shop.”
TARRED - adverb.
Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”
TIRE - noun.
A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

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