How You Can Tell When It’s Going To Be A Rotten Day
- You wake up face down on the pavement.
- You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
- You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
- You see the 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any.
- You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
- Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
- You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed.
- Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
- Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
- Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
- The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
- You wake up and your braces are locked together.
- You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
- You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
- Your income tax check bounces.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- Your pet rock snaps at you.
- Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill” and your name is George.
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