16 Signs It’s Time To Abandon Your Space Station
- “Dear Dmitri: We at Mutual of Kazakhstan regret to inform you of the cancellation of your insurance policy....”
- Ship’s computer calmly says, “I don’t know what air leak you’re talking about, Comrade Dave.”
- After several days of low oxygen, you’re starting to give serious consideration to Cosmonaut Andrei’s offer to join the “Hundred Mile High” club.
- It’s down to just you and Sigourney Weaver.
- Old ladies swatting at you with rakes from their roof tops.
- Mission Control asks if you can “beam down immediately.”
- Network news broadcasts have started referring to you as “Spam in a can.”
- No more Stoli.
- That’s one small scratch on the port, one giant gash on the starboard side.
- The Russian Transportation Safety Bureau has issued a recall on all Mir Model 2000 Orbital Space Platforms.
- The Soviets announce the space station has a mild cold.
- The Super Glue is gone and you’re down to one roll of duct tape.
- They’ve already chosen Tom Hanks to play you in Apollo 13, Part II.
- You and your comrades realize those weren’t “spare” oxygen generator parts you made the still out of.
- You overhear Mission Control arguing over who gets to keep your stuff.
- You translate a Russian message which reads “Jettison the American....”
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