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You Know You’re Too Stressed If

Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.

You can achieve a “Runners High” by sitting up.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

The Sun is too loud.

Trees begin chasing you.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip solution of espresso.

You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.

You can hear mimes.

You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

Things become “Very Clear.”

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

You keep yelling “Stop touching me!” even though you are the only one in the room.

Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

David Lynch comes up to you and says: “Hey! Can I film you?”

You and Reality file for divorce.

You can skip without a rope.

It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can’t quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.

You can travel without moving.

Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.

Teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies.

You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before....

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