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An Italian’s Tale

I’ma come here to a hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waiter I wanna two piss toast. He bringa me only onea piss. I tella him I wanna two piss--he say, “Go to the toilet.” I say, “You no unnerstan’. I wanna two piss ona my plate.” He say, “You better no piss ona da plate you sonna ma bitch.” I don’t even know the man and he calla me sonna ma bitch!!

Later, I go to eata soma dinner at another restaurant. The waitress bringa spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I say, “I wanna fock.” She tella me everbody wanna fock. I say, “You no unnerstan’. I wanna fock on the table.” She say, “You better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.” I don’t even know the woman an’ she calla me sonna ma bitch!

So I go back to my hotel, an’ there’s no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager an’ tell him I wanna sheet on the bed. He say, “You better not sheet on the bed you sonna ma bitch.” I don’t even know the man an’ he calla me sonna ma bitch!

So I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say, “Peace to you.” I say, “Piss onna you too you sonna ma bitch!!” I go back to Italy!