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Diet Rules

If you eat something and no one sees you, it has no calories.

If you eat a candy bar with a diet soda, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you only eat as much as they do.

Foods used for medicinal purposes are never counted, such as hot chocolate, brandy, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

Movie and TV foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s daily fuel; such as Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.

Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

Things licked off of knives and spoons during the process of preparation have no calories. Example: peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich.

Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

If you fatten up everyone else, you look thinner.