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At the Office...

A Badge Solution (2000.09.18)

We might have made a breakthrough today.

Last week Paul told some of us about his roommate’s friend who can duplicate ID badges. Since that time we’ve been trying to think of a way to get a management ID badge so that we could get better toilet paper, more coffee, and easier access to supplies here at the office. Marcus wanted to jump one of the upper-managers when he leaves late at night, but we conviced him otherwise since it would land him in jail as well as fired. (Marcus think’s he’s a trained Navy Seal even though he only reads “Guns & Ammo” and has a bomb shelter in his backyard.) Seth said we should pull the fire alarm, and then grab a badge as people fled in confusion. We said he should go back to filing. My best idea was to bribe someone in Office Management to swipe us a copy of a high-level ID badge. The reply to that I received was “shut up Phil.”

And the last week pretty much proceeded like that. Ideas getting tossed around, and shot down. But today Stacey came in with good news. This past Friday she got invited to hang out with some of the ladies from the secretarial pool. She told us how they went to a few bars, a few clubs, danced and got drunk up and down the beach. By the end of the night, one of the girls—Melanie—started gossiping about Ranya, the new Administrative Assistant to the CRM - SWD (Chief Regional Manager - Southwest District). Melanie says that Ranya has been using her feminine charms to wrap Mr. Waterson around her little finger. She’s gotten purchasing approvals for new shoes and dresses, three hour lunches, even a weekend trip to a luxury spa—on company money! We also learned that Ranya has been getting things for other employees through Mr. Waterson, but she always requires a favor in return.

Being a bunch of horny guys form Document Records and Archives, we tried to pry Stacey for more info on the hold Ranya has over Mr. Waterson. She only said that that’s all she heard from Melanie before Melanie fell drunk on her face and had to be carried home. But the knowledge we did gain opened up new ideas and even a focus point for our efforts. If we could find a way to get to Ranya, we might be able to get an ID badge. And if we can get an ID badge, Paul’s roommate’s friend could make enough copies for our little corner of DRA.

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